A Summer Well Spent

Jesus Set His Face Like Flint

Recently I’ve been pondering the following:  “Jesus set His face like flint to Jerusalem.”  The original thought comes from Isaiah 50:4-5, 10.

The Lord God has given Me the tongue of disciples, that I may know how to sustain the weary one with a word…The Lord God has opened My ear; and I was not disobedient nor did I turn back. I gave My back to those who strike Me, and my cheeks to those who pluck out the beard; I did not cover My face from humiliation and spitting. For the Lord God helps Me, therefore, I am not disgraced. Therefore, I have set My face like flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed. Who is among you that fears the LORD, that obeys the voice of His servant, that walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely on His God.

Jesus is obviously the fulfillment of this passage.  By His example, I learn what it means to be perfected through obedience and suffering.  In Luke 9:51 it says, “When the days were approaching for His ascension (still before His death), He was determined to go to Jerusalem.” The literal translation is that He - “set His face” - to go to Jerusalem. 

Just prior to this passage, Jesus spells out the true cost of discipleship in Luke 9:23-25.

And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it. For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself?”

I want more of God and less of me.  I want more of God’s Kingdom and less of my own.

This past summer, Miss Brielle and I were standing at the back of the Tapawingo chapel while the CITs (Counselors -in-Training) led the camp in worship at Vespers.  The singing was full and vibrant; the music was excellent and well-ordered; and I have to believe that it was honoring to the Lord.  Tears were streaming down Miss Brielle’s face and I thought I knew why but I asked her about it later.  Her words were more profound than I was expecting:

“I was just thinking about all the summers that we and our friends spent here.  I was thinking of how the world would scoff at how they spent their summers.  The world would say they wasted them.  They would scoff at the fact that they weren’t getting the internships they should have.  But those summers were the farthest thing from wasted.  I was thinking of how blessed we are that we’re getting to see the result with our very own eyes.”

I get choked up just writing this.

I felt as though the scene was similar to this one: “Turning to the disciples, He (Jesus) said privately, ‘Blessed are the eyes which see the things you see, for I say to you, that many prophets and kings wished to see the things which you see, and did not see them, and to hear the things which you hear, and did not hear them.’”

There are many summers that I have cried knowing what was coming ahead (It’s funny how the fear of laying your life down is actually worse than the action of laying it down.  It’s funny how joy-filled you can actually be when you are strengthened and humbled by 29 other women who for some crazy reason are doing the same thing.  It’s funny how full you can be when you’re running on empty).

If this is a flippant metaphor, please forgive me, but I tend to think of Luke 9:51 in modern words as, “Jesus got His game face on.”  He set out, with purpose and conviction, to do what He was called to do.  He had done the “suicides.”  He had spent His life training.  And now, with every fiber in His being, He was determined to set in motion the final leg of His mission, to fulfill His ministry to the very end.

I want to be like Jesus – to lay my life and my agenda down, not begrudgingly, but with joy and game-faced conviction.

If you’re looking for a summer with purpose – what greater purpose than this?   

It’s no secret: I’m looking for kingdom women to serve on staff this summer.  I’m looking for women who are in the habit of saying to Jesus, “I will follow You wherever You go.” (Luke 9:57). 

“God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours.”― David Livingstone

I’ll go anywhere…just go with me.  I’ll do anything…just give me the strength. 

I’m looking for women who understand that this is going to cost some things: time, rest, money, vacation, weddings.  I’m looking for women who, unlike the man in Luke 9:58, have no, “I’ll follow You…BUTs.”  I’m looking for women who know their God is big enough to take care of the details as they step out in faith to, “Go and proclaim everywhere the kingdom of God.” If you’re this kind of woman, or if you know this kind of woman, send them my way – I want them on staff this summer!

One of my favorite things about Tapawingo are the songs we sing.  One song that stayed with me from this past summer was, "The Tree Song." 

  

I want to be like a tree planted by the streams of living water.  Oh, I want to be like a tree planted by the streams of living water...I want to be unmovable, unshakeable, let my roots go down deep, unmovable unshakeable in You...

  

We sang it with such joy!

  

It stems from Psalm 1:2-3 which says, "But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers."

  

On the flip side it reminds me of Jeremiah 2:13 which says, "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."

A tree - longing, thirsting to be near the only source of true life - versus a person who has forsaken the source of true life AND THEN begun digging and working and thirsting after such foolish things.   

  

It strikes me that when God could have accused the people of many, many things, He says only two...They turned away from Him and tried to satisfy themselves with other things...

  

Now that we are all back into the swing of the fall and school, it's a great time to ask ourselves a few questions...

  

1) Am I still thirsty for Jesus?  Do I still want to be like a tree planted by the streams of living water?

  

2) If not, where in my life am I thirsting for other things?   

  

Miss Charis once told me a story about horses.  She asked me if I knew how to tell who the lead horse was in a pack?  I was thinking it was probably the strongest, or fiercest.  Maybe it was the biggest.  But she told me that it was actually the horse that remained calm and grounded in the midst of chaos.

  

When all around you in school is difficult, will you be a leader?  When your friends are making choices, will you stand out this year as a woman who is unmovable, unshakeable, like a tree planted by the streams of living water?  Will you remain connected to the only true source of life? 

  

Now is a great time to remember the sisters you have who, like you, may be struggling, but want to STAND for righteousness this year.  Who want to thirst, more and more for the living water (Jesus) and who want to be the lead horses right in the middle of their friends. 

  

We won't regret it when we meet again next summer and tell each other stories of how we stood firm for Christ and became more deeply rooted.

  

Oh, and it's okay if you want to go outside and sing that song at the top of your lungs.

  

Much love,

  

Miss Joy

  

Joy Huseland

Tapawingo Director

518-774-6713

"Fragrance" and "Petunia"

I love my family...a lot.  We're in a really fun season of becoming adults and enjoying each others' company.  We've revisited countless childhood stories in the last few years and it's usually quite hilarious.  I really love it when David, in particular, tells stories.  Once he starts belly laughing, it's all over from there.  Sometimes I just wonder where in the world we had time to come up with this stuff...Recently we had a good laugh over, "Fragrance" and "Petunia."  Let me explain...

One of my brothers is especially passionate.  He lives life to the fullest and growing up it wasn't too difficult to get under his skin.  Let's just say that between 6 siblings, tensions could escalate very quickly.  Two brothers in particular rather enjoyed pushing his buttons to the brink.  They saw it as their self-righteous, brotherly duty, to "call him out," with pet names like "Fragrance," or "Petunia," when his moods were particularly sour.  Without knowing it, in essence they were saying, "Your attitude stinks.  Why don't you freshen it up a little bit?"  That really stirred the pot.

Recently I heard a sermon by Dr. Bill Lawrence on 2 Corinthians chapter 2.  He emphasized that for Christians God, "Always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing."  As he said, "People are sniffing us out...'She smells like...Jesus.'"

When I was a little girl and my grandpa died, I remember, helping my grandma go into his dresser and closet.  I was comforted by the lingering cologne on his clothes.  We too are an aroma that brings comfort as we remind people of Jesus and in the process please God.

I'm pleased to say that, "Fragrance," and "Petunia," is a brother that does smell of Jesus...

"Train Up a Child"

"Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6  

  

  There is no such thing as "laissez-faire" parenting in the Christian world.  More often than not, a child will follow the faith of his parents (although there are no guarantees).  And more often than not, he will only go as far as they have gone in their faith.  If that faith is based on God plus ____, it should come as no surprise when the next generation displays that same watered down faith.  Last week, my pastor spoke to us and referenced a book called, "Soul Searching."  I am firmly convinced that parents must be prayerfully intentional in "training up their child."  I really don't think that has anything to do with parents dictating career paths etc. or "I want him to be an athlete," when clearly his gifts are in music.  It has so much more to do with the intentionality in his spiritual upbringing.  While there are several different training grounds to consider (the household, the church, the athletic field etc.), I believe one of the most important places for a child to be is in the church.

  Twenty years ago this past Friday, I experienced the first taste of death that "didn't make sense."  Of course I had lost my great-grandpa at the age of six and cried.  I still remember that.  But on this day, at the tender age of eight I can vividly remember my mom picking up the phone and crying.  I remember her explaining to me in the best way a mom trying to understand things for herself can explain to her eight year old daughter, that a twelve year old boy from our church had died.  This was the first boy that I sincerely thought I would marry.  He was handsome.  He had a southern accent.  And he was twelve.  Just a few days earlier he had bounced through the church hallways with all the other boys and now he was gone.  In an instant.  He had collapsed at the base of the school bus.

  I cried.  That's all I know.  But this was the first time I can really remember my faith taking form.  I was not allowed to go in to the funeral - my parents left us kids in the car with our pastor's wife while they went inside.  There was probably some wisdom in that.  But they did let me sit through the church service.  And I can remember the quivering voice of both his parents as they stood up to speak - his mom literally radiating the joy of Jesus amidst tears - his dad wrestling through questions...one of them, "God, I just need to know, did he suffer at all?"  And explaining to us that God reassured him that he didn't.  I remember it vividly - their lives were saying, "It is well with my soul."  Their faith declaring, "We will still walk with God."  They read an article he had written just a short time earlier - "My Creed."  I don't remember exactly what it said, but essentially this boy had spelled out the gospel and declared he believed it was true.  Those thirty to forty-five minutes had a profound impact on my life.  I sensed I was in the presence of something raw but genuine.  I knew that somehow the words we sang back then - "Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place, I can feel His mighty power and His grace, I can feel the brush of angels wings, I see glory on each face. Surely, the Presence of the Lord is in this place" - they were true.  I knew God for myself - but through them, at the age of eight, I knew He was faithful and true.  I experienced an entire church coming together to mourn and in the process came away seeing what godly grief looks like.  Those parents were strong - only in Jesus...but sitting in the chairs at Valley View Chapel, I learned in my heart at a very young age just how big their God, and mine, really was.

  It happened again, four years later when my Grandpa passed away.  Healing began just a few days later when our entire family was in church and his favorite hymn was playing...we all stood in the back and wept silently.

  And while these are instances of deep faith-building, I believe it can happen every Sunday as children (mind you I don't know exactly what age), learn how to sit through a sermon and parents discuss it with them on the ride home.  I believe we sell kids far short.  We think they're not intellectually able to be attentive in church.  We think they should be off having fun with their friends in Sunday School, while we're in big church.  We think they're not attentive enough, but I have SEEN kids listen with longing eyes for more Truth - for more that is counter to what the world is telling them.  We need to teach them to eat meat...and to speak kingdom language from the Word of God.  They will rise and engage to the extent we call them to.

  Now, just a disclaimer - I do not claim my particular stance to be absolute truth.  Training needs to be well-thought out.  Well-planned.  Well executed.  And there may be times when it is not appropriate for children to be part of certain things in a church.  I merely want to point out that it is my personal conviction that churches not become silos...that children learn how to sit under the teaching of their elders, to love the elderly, to care for those younger than themselves.  To sit under the teaching of God's Word with their parents and learn to engage it.  To sit through a prayer meeting - and maybe even to pray out loud for the needs they hear.

  We train for a purpose...to enter into the game...so let's be intentional trainers!

How I Got to Where I Am Today

I was thinking today what a great designer God is...
Looking back on my life, it's hard to imagine, but there was a day when my parents were on CAMP-of-the-WOODS staff together without having any notion that one day they'd be married and have 6 kids. Okay, well maybe they liked the notion of each other and then their love grew. I was thinking...they walked these same grounds I'm walking today without ever having known when they looked out across the lake at a tiny island that one day they'd be married (to someone they didn't even know yet) and have a daughter who would grow to love that place and love the Lord and His people there. But it even goes back to both sets of grandparents I guess. It just reminds me of Psalm 139...before I was even a twinkle in their eyes, I was a purpose for His glory...and so it is with all of us.

I look back as well at myself and how many times I have doubted God's promises...that He really is able to do far more than we could ever ask or think (Ephesians 3:20)...oh how what I've really wanted all along was to be used by Him and for Him...and then when it comes into my lap, like Moses, I tell Him I'm not good enough (and really I'm not, but my focus is still in the wrong place). But a key ingredient that is so often missing is "bowing my knees before the Father (3:14)." And what Paul's been talking about all along in the previous 3 chapters is the gospel...so bowing my knee to what Jesus has already done...in saving countless others...in redeeming and reviving me...and then humbly asking Him who is able to do far more...to do it...and to allow me to play a part in it.

I look back at how God had to bend my knees for me. And I wish I had been more willing at times. But I'm thankful for those times and what He revealed to me...because they've made my heart more able to hold compassion. How He had to show me that I had some bad misconceptions that Christians who were truly following Him would never suffer...or rather that in suffering, they wouldn't feel it so hard, or respond like other humans would...That they'd be superhuman. But it was through those times that I learned how much God loved me, and slowly but surely that I really loved Him...and that suffering often later produced the greatest joy in realizing just how far His grace had stooped...and really what it means that only in death is there life.

It's not just that God is in the cosmos...His Son came to earth to redeem the micro. And what a great story that is! He's just as involved in the pixels of the canvas as the entire landscape!

I love sunsets...mostly the vibrant ones...but even the gray, snowy, only faint light sunsets have a story to tell of darkness and light.

"I'm not what I should be, and I'm not what I will be, but thank you Lord, I'm not what I was (ibid)."

After God's Heart...

I'm learning about David...and I guess just hoping that, in the spirit of David, I will begin to grasp the immensity of what it really means to be a person after God's heart...In 2 Samuel God defines that: "He will do everything I want him to do." I only hope our lives are devoted to that. Is it any wonder the heart is the control center of our lives? And the spiritual heart affects our thoughts, feelings, will, and character...oh that we might think what He thinks, feel what He feels, want what He wants, DO what He would have us, see others with His eyes.

Paul's Last Will and Testament: 2 Timothy

This past Sunday in church, I was brought back to my college days of study in 2 Timothy, Paul's last recorded letter. I am struck again by the dual simplicity yet complexity of the passage. Here is essentially what Pastor Mark Coleman said:

-2 Timothy is Paul’s last recorded letter. It is essentially a “last will and testament,” as his death is imminent.
-Paul is done with his work. There is to be no more preaching to large crowds, etc. yet he still wants to make sure he does three things while awaiting his death...
1. The first and most important is this: "Preach the gospel!" He is sure to remind Timothy that the gospel must be preached. We are one generation away from the gospel dying out. It is OUR responsibility to pass it on. It would be completely irresponsible for us not to say what it is we live for; not to pass it on to those around us: our children, grandchildren, friends, anyone who will hear. "Before we get into the hammock, we need to make sure we've passed on the gospel! It is always too early to quit...retirement is not our right!"
2. Paul wants to make sure Timothy knows what he is doing. He is passing on the baton - a critical moment in the race. In fact, the most critical. First of all, he realizes life will go on after him (it's not about him anyway) and he must leave Timothy prepared. Someone I know once said that to me..."Joy, make sure you're preparing others around you so if you go, things can go on like they always did." Second, he is able to not only prepare, but to encourage someone else as he himself could selfishly wish he were being encouraged while on the throes awaiting execution...
3. Encourage Timothy. In the face of death, he is encouraging the person after him! This is so profound on a bunch of levels...I was thinking about this today...That really is the job of a leader. Even in the midst of his own personal trials, he saw the bigger picture and wanted to remind Timothy of that...and what is the bigger picture? Back to the gospel!

Oh the things to learn...whenever I feel tired, or timid, it comes back to the gospel..."I know WHOM I have believed (not what as Nate Winters would say)...And I hope many others learn to know and love Him because of the gospel!

Amazing Grace...

I really love the movie, "Amazing Grace." It got even better the second time around for me. That's been my prayer lately - that I would be overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of God and in turn, that I might be a person of grace and mercy.
One day about six months ago, I was having a very "self-centered" morning and realized it. I decided I wanted to hear Chris Tomlin's, "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)." So I went onto iTunes and tried to buy it, but for some reason, the computer wouldn't let me. After spending a frustrated half-hour I turned the computer off and probably thought something like, "All I wanted was to hear, 'Amazing Grace,' to get out of this rut, and look where that got me!" But I decided to go downstairs and turn on the radio, and remember thinking, "What if maybe, just maybe, God would let that song be on right now. Sure enough it was..." I definitely think God has a sense of humor. And He definitely wants us to rely fully, on Him. Why do I ever doubt His love? And why, despite my attitude, does He do little things like that?

Thoughts on Being Full - a letter from a friend

"On one of our hikes in Drakensberg...'As we spent a few hours just reflecting and journaling by the side of a waterfall, I was meditating on those mysterious places in Ephesians where it talks about the "fullness" of God. I was struck by the way the whole river gorge had been slowly carved out by the water. With each passing flood-time, the river can hold more and more water, till what was once a tiny trickle becomes a mighty river. It's like the whole Christian life is about God slowly wearing away our stubborn stony hearts and making them bigger so he can fill them. His goal is to enlarge our hearts so that we can grow in our capacity to feel both joy and sorrow; to both receive and give love, and to hold more and more of God's presence in our lives. In heaven, as Jonathan Edwards says, we will all, like cups, be filled to the brim with joy; but some of our "cups" will have grown larger than others, more able to hold the fullness of joy. Enlarge my heart, O God. Carve me away as this stream chisels this rock - beats it, dissolves it, carries it away. Let me be, not a shallow riverbed, but a worn-away canyon, able to hold both deep mourning and deep rejoicing.' "-Abigail Cooley

On Death - credit to Luis Palau "The High Definition Life"

I recently read Luis Palau's, "The High Definition Life." It provoked much thought. There were two stories in particular that really rung near to my heart of late...longing for heaven...Here they are:

My friend Joe has a son named Peter. When Peter was seven years old, his family moved. He did not much care for that since it meant leaving behind Mr. Whittle, a trusted family friend. They would now be 2,000 miles apart.
One morning at breakfast the family received a phone call saying Mr. Whittle was dying of cancer. Once Peter heard the news, he rose from the table and ran to his room. Joe thought his son must be really broken up and told the other to, "Leave him alone."
Before the rest of the family finished eating however, Peter returned with a piece of paper - and a request. "Dad, would you send this letter to Mr. Whittle before he dies?"
"All right, Peter, I'll do that for you. But can I read it before you send it?"
"Oh, sure."
Here's what it said:
"Dear Mr. Whittle, I hear you're going to heaven. Isn't that great? Your friend, Peter."

Story number 2:

When Dave (Kraft) was 28, doctors diagnosed him with terminal cancer. His friends prayed but it became obvious the Lord wasn't going to heal him. Finally Dave transferred to a hospital close to his father.
"You know what Luis," his father said. "My son is about to go. I feel so eager he goes to be with the Lord. I can't stand to see my boy suffer so much. I wish you'd pray."
So he prayed first: "Lord would you take David home today? We can't stand to see him suffer."
The next morning Dr. Kraft said, "Last night I went to the hospital and David said, "Dad, come here. Put your arms around me." So I did. He then said, "I want to sit up, Dad...I know I'm going to be with the Lord. I want to thank you because you've been a terrific father. Tell mom I love her. You've both been such a great example. You showed me the way to the Lord, and I want to thank you before I go to be with Him. Dad, I want you to pray with me because I won't see you for a few years and I want to talk with the Lord together with you."
Dr. Kraft choked up but told his son, "Dave, before I pray, I want to tell you something. You lucky guy, you are going to see the Lord before I do. Just think, David - tonight you are going to see Moses, Joseph, David, Paul. You lucky guy. I should have gone before you, but you are getting there before me...David, best of all, you are going to see the Lord Jesus. Promise me one thing. When you see the Lord Jesus, would you tell him your father loves him very much?"
They then prayed together and Dr. Kraft left the room after saying, "Dave, I'll see you in heaven."
David died at 4 that morning.

Those are two beautiful stories to me...

'Dem Bones...

I remember my mom and dad singing a silly song growing up...'Dem bones, 'dem bones, 'dem dry bones...and I have no idea what it meant or was even about...but Ezekiel has a lot more to say about bones...

I was reading in Ezekiel the other day and feeling down about the world and how dead it can be - spiritually, emotionally, etc. In Ezekiel, God places the prophet in a valley. A valley of dead bones. I can imagine vultures lurking and stench and despair. Particularly in a valley. Perhaps there were so many dead because a battle had taken place. Perhaps it was a funeral pit for the poor or rejected? I wish I knew the context. But God placed the prophet there saying, "Son of Man, can these bones live?" (It's as if He's testing Ezekiel, asking, "Do you believe I can do the impossible?") And God tells him to prophesy that they will. (Almost as if to say, "Even you testifying and believing, even your faith, is a gift from Me). (I don't know, I think that may say something about predestination there...) So Ezekiel prophesies, and the bones begin to crackle and shake, maybe creak...muscles and ligaments start to grow (I think I might have passed out). And God breathes life into them. He acts. And they are made alive. This is the gospel! Our dead, decaying, spiritual, emotional bones are raised from the dead, put back together, and made alive. Literally and figuratively! There is hope for this hurting and dying world!

Do You Love Me More Than These?

John 21:15 "So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Tend My lambs."

There are a few things that strike me about this verse...well really this passage. First of all, the disciples who had spent so much time with Jesus do not know it is Him, until finally, "that disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, 'It is the Lord.'" I wonder if it is because he was closest to the heart of Jesus. He could read the looks on Jesus' face long before the others could...Perhaps He was too far off for them to recognize at a distance, but the disciple Jesus loved recalled the time Jesus had done this before. Jesus' trademark.

But then Peter throws himself into the sea. I'd like to think it was because of his great love for Jesus. That kind of reckless abandon that thinks, "Not even the push of the water can hold me back from Jesus! It's faster for me to swim than to wait for this boat to get in!" (The only strange thing about that is he puts his outer garment on). And so, perhaps it comes as a shock that Jesus would even think to ask Peter if he loves him...but we'll get to that in a sec.

Someone I think highly of once told a group of us about his three kids. His oldest kid - very cute, perhaps the most competitive child ever born, and very stubborn. The middle child - so tenderhearted and selfless - they didn't know where he came from. (Both parents were very stubborn too, or so he said). The youngest - just a baby but seemingly more stubborn than the firstborn. So he proceeded to tell us of all their flaws and imperfections and how the middle child had just recently gotten a pea stuck up his nose. And yet, this dad loved his kids and moved me to choke back tears as he described his son's soccer game. His middle child was running around, letting the other kids catch up sometimes when he felt sorry for them (something the oldest would have despised), sometimes falling down, just running around...but this dad was so proud. He said he wanted to shout, "That's my son," to everyone around him. He was beaming with elation in one of those great parent moments. And then he said, "And that's how God sees us...crazy, imperfect people with peas stuck up our noses, running around like we don't have any idea what's going on...and yet there He is...He knows our flaws...He knew Peter's flaws...and yet He's beaming..."That's my child!" I know he denied me, but I still love him.

And Jesus, knowing all the imperfections of His disciples...their fear that drove them to abandon Him...wants to have breakfast with them. An informal setting. Perhaps to assuage their guilt. Let's just have breakfast...I mean, they'd already seen Him once since He died (chapter 20 verse 19)...He'd said, "Peace be with you then..." I wonder if they understood that He WAS peace. "I am with you...Peace be with you..." But here He is again and this time He wants to have breakfast and talk to Peter about love.

Simon (notice He doesn't say Peter), do you love Me more than these? (I wonder what the context of "these" means?)

Yes, Lord...I just jumped into the water when I saw you...
(I jumped into the water the first time too...and walked on it until I lost sight of You).

Simon, do you love Me?

Yes, Lord...You KNOW I do...

Simon (notice He's pretty up close and personal in using his name), do you love Me?

And Peter, pretty sad, maybe even offended (I probably would be...) says,
"Lord, You know all things; (I know you're God now...that lesson took me awhile), but you know all things...You know I love you."

...and yet, Jesus then tells him how he (Peter) is going to die. But as if to say, "Don't worry, it'll all be alright if you just fix your eyes on Me," He says, "Follow Me!"

And sadly...instead of looking Jesus in the face and doing just that, Peter turns around and sees the disciple Jesus loved...and perhaps jealously asks, "Well what about him?" (If I'm going to die, what about Him?)

His eyes are taken off Jesus yet again...Only this time he's not sinking in water but into the depths of himself.

But Jesus says, "This isn't between you, me, and him...YOU follow ME!"

(It's as though Jesus is not going to stop asking us that question...When we think we've finally got it all together..."Joy, do you love Me? No, not my people, do you love ME?! I know you learned that then, but are your eyes on ME...NOW?!" Like Peter, it grieves me that He has to ask so often.)

1 Peter 5:6-7

Check this out...
"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." - NASB

God cups us in His hands. "When we are humble God places His hands above us to cover us and beneath us to carry us...Humility hails the presence of God and He cups us in His hands. What better place to be?" - Tim Grissom

Favorite Quote

"It comes down to this, at least for me. When there is not a beating heart to give to the Lord, you give what shreds you have. When there is not a willing spirit, you give a broken one. When there are no limbs and muscles and strength to exert, when there is only the feeling of death, then you give him a corpse. Then whatever is left after the dying, whatever by God's grace comes back - it is born of Him. And so the dying is a kind of birth, a second chance with a different kind of life. It is the kind of life that is lived after everything else is lost and there is nothing left to lose, which I suppose, is the kind of life we should have been living all along." - Wayne Mack, Facing Forward

Another Non-Typical Evangelism Tool

Passing Out - An Occurrence in Guatemala

When I came home from Guatemala, I told my friend Laura this story and she said, "Well I wouldn't use that as an evangelism tool, but God works in mysterious ways." Again, all I can say is I had nothing to do with this...

This past summer my college basketball team went on a mission trip to El Salvador and Guatemala. I absolutely loved it. There are so many stories to tell of God's faithfulness and protection - and just stories in general. But I got sick in Guatemala. And I'd like to believe it was because God answered a prayer I had prayed several days earlier in El Salvador while playing in the waves of the Pacific Ocean.
I recall thinking how great those waves were and how easily God could have wiped me out if He wanted to. And then I began to think of how powerful He really was and asked Him to use that power in us while we shared His gospel. I'd like to think that's where it all began...after all the powerful waves did shovel what seemed like a half-ton of sand in my ears. I told a teammate a few days later that there was still sand in my ear. But then I thought nothing more of it.
While in Guatemala I got a fever and slept on the bus while the team did a clinic. We were scheduled to drive a couple hours away to a game but for some strange reason (also known as God's Sovereignty) our coach decided we needed to eat right then and there. There being a Pollo Campero (fast-food chicken). "What about the Wendy's up the road?" someone suggested. "No, let's eat here," she said. So we stopped. I ate some mashed potatoes and was teased for my "mosquito eyes." That's what they look like when I get sick. And then I said, "I think I'm going to pass out," and proceeded to do just that. I was carried to the bus, and my head was placed on the leg of the evangelist of the group. My coach asked if there was a hospital nearby and one of the fast-food workers told her and our bus-driver to follow him on his motorcycle.
I'm told we flew on that bus through the streets of Guatemala - no easy feat when the bus is probably a foot narrower than the alleys it's passing through. We got to the clinic where I received medical attention. God was sovereign in so many ways. My heavy head had caused the evangelist's leg to fall asleep and I think that's why he didn't come into the clinic. Instead, he stayed outside and talked to the motorcyclist from Pollo Campero. With tears in his eyes, Jorge accepted Jesus as his Savior and said, "I've never felt peace like this before." That night, the man who drove a motorcycle for a fast-food chicken restaraunt became our brother.
The next day I saw another doctor who told me I had an ear-infection. I didn't make the connection until several months later when looking at my journal, but perhaps the sand from those powerful waves caused the ear-infection that made me pass out. Only heaven will tell...

The High Places

Several summers ago, while at Tapawingo, we read the book, "Hinds' Feet On High Places," by Hannah Hurnard. That began an initial love for the book of Habakkuk, particularly 3:17-19:

Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet, and makes me walk on my high places.

Little did I know then, that those verses would be cemented on my heart in the coming years. At the beginning of a very difficult sophomore year in college, God used my basketball coach to write a card with those verses at the end. At that point it was a nice encouraging card, nothing more. But it wasn't until after this trying period, that I went back and realized God was stamping His fingerprints throughout - He was always undoubtedly near.
Shortly after beginning the year, several deaths, a move, an ailing family member, and pride left me internalizing pain. And in His grace, God had just the lesson for me, coming in the form of a class on the prophets. I had the privilege of learning and experiencing Habakkuk at the same time. Our professor taught us the context of the book and said, "If you learn nothing else, know that the three staples of Israelite well-being during this time were olive oil, livestock, and produce." Habakkuk knew that God was going to allow these to be stripped away and the entire book is him questioning God's intentions. He never does arrive at an answer. But he does come to a conclusion in verses 17-19.
"No matter how bad it gets. Even if all you hold dear, your three staples; even if life itself is stripped away, YET I will exult in the LORD." And this isn't without due cause...He goes on to say, "The Lord God IS my strength," and He has ALREADY proven faithful by guiding my steps and making my feet like the sure feet of a deer."
During this hard time, I recall crying with a friend and coming to a point where I had to make a decision. I said to her, "I don't know why all this is so HARD. But if this is what He wants for me, then I want it, because I love HIM." I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it was His past faithfulness that got me through that time.
But it doesn't stop there! In my weakness, God proved Himself. At Tapawingo that summer, I was asked to speak on suffering. Naturally, Habakkuk was the book of choice. I was going to share a little bit of my testimony at the end, but God knew His word does not return void and that was not needed in this case. Halfway through my talk (which cut it way short), I got to these verses and decided that verse 18 was a good one, "Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation." I was about to start speaking on my testimony but as I read this verse the first time I decided the audience needed to hear it again. And a third time...and at the end of the third time, I began to sob uncontrollably...Oh for them to understand the brevity of this! Oh, for me who was just beginning to understand the brevity of this! My pain came washing over me and I wanted to jump off that little island and sink to the bottom of the lake.
I went to bed at 7:30 or some early hour that night and didn't speak with anyone about the incident hoping that it was just a very bad dream. But at the end of the week, the director gently called me into her office and said, "Joy, I just want you to know that a little girl gave her life to Jesus because of those verses in Habakkuk." God had used me in my brokenness. And He had done so without my testimony - just His powerful word...and at that, with a book that is not typically considered an evangelism tool...more on that later.